We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
