So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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