oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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