What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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