There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
