I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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