splinters make it hard to masturbate
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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