yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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