Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
