There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
