You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We smell like vodka and hangover
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
