My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
