He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
