He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
