My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
