He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
