I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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