Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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