Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
