there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
