I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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