Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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