i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
