Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
