1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Your cock deserves a montage
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
