dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
