she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.