literally had 100 drinks last night.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.