in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
