Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.