plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.