My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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