Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands