I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey