he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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