When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
