btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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