What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
