Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
