i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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