just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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