so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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