I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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