How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
