he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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