Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
