don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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