hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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