I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize