smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
that is very illegal...i love you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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