Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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