Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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