I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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