this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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