If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
