there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
