why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
