smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Panties = found
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
