don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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