we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
