Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
