I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
