you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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