My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
