Just fell off a train. Bad.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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