This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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