i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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