Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
