Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
