I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
