ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
