he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
