I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
