There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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