you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
