i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
