we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
