even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
is it fun? or sober?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
