theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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