Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
