I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
