i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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