just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
