pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
