It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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