help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
