it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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