Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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