please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My cat gives me a boner
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
