When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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